If you’re anything like me, you’ve had struggles with cramping on and off your whole life. Sometimes they are mild, and sometimes they put you down for a good day or two. You’ve tried everything and exhausted the following list and then some:
- Cut alcohol, sugar, caffeine, gluten, bread, and soy from your diet
- Tried every herb under the sun including: wild yam, st. johns wort, etc.
- Tried supplements like B100 Complex, increasing electrolytes especially magnesium, iodine, etc.
- Done a deep dive into acupuncture
- Delved into your past and worked on any sexual issues/trauma that may be sleeping there
- Delved into releasing any past trauma around abortion, miscarriages, or losing a child
- Tried balancing your hormones
- Tried grounding practices to open the Kundalini and ground the nervous system
- Taken supplements like zeolite to clear heavy metals, antibiotics and birth control out of the system
- Gone off birth control and started using neem as a natural birth control
- Worked on rebalancing the gut and cleansing the liver
The list continues ad naseum.
I had exhausted every form of cramp and PMS relief you could imagine, been trying to figure this issue out for literally 20 years, but nothing worked long term. Until…
After working with my teacher via the Open Heart Method, I realized I had never sat with cramps and asked my physical body at the sacral chakra level, what she was sooo incredibly pissed and upset about. And you know what my physical body said?
She was so upset about not being a Mother.
… Everything just clicked into focus.
Cramps come in rhythms like the birthing process. Deep breathing is the only thing you can do through the intense cramps. The end of the menstrual cycle is literally the process of letting go of potential life (egg). I had predominantly operated off of the understanding that I didn’t want kids in life, or that when I found the right partner in life, I would consider it then.
But I had never felt how my body feels about that process. How controlled my physical body felt by the constant withholding of something it so desires to be able to do: CREATE. To have deep family. To have deep connection with co-creation. And how that withholding, over time, builds up into some serious feelings of SELF-BETRAYAL, SUPPRESSION, FEELING OUT OF CONTROL, FEELING CONTROLLED BY AN EXTERNAL FORCE, FEELING VOICE-LESS, FEELING UNLOVED AND LISTENED TO…
The level of intense pain this constant repression had on my physical body was so intense. The intensity would start a little after ovulation when my body would realize there was yet again another process of letting go of a potential unborn child. This level of pain, when felt by my other deep feelings of desiring a happy family (I didn’t grow up with the healthiest or happiest example of family) and yet again not being able to create one myself, coupled with my connection to past lifetimes and ancestors who had complications with anything (and everything) involving motherhood, was just the formula for the most intense cramps and PMS you could imagine. No amount of hormonal balancing, supplement taking, diet restrictions could compete with this intensity. I had gotten to the point of thinking my deep sexual/childhood trauma had just won out and messed me up long term so that anything to do with my reproductive system was just going to be in pain. I didn’t comprehend that my physical body had a deep fundamental, simple, timeless need that all bodies have: to create. To be Mother. To connect in all ways with what is Mother.
So the solution?
I deeply sat in my heart and entire body, with the feeling of Mother. The whole spectrum of what Mother means was brought to the forefront in my heart:
- Being a Mother
- Being a horrible Mother
- Never having a good Mother so not knowing how to be a good Mother
- Getting to be a Mother then hating it
- Getting to be a Mother then losing myself
- Being a Mother then completely changing who I am
- The fear of never being a Mother
- The feeling of having a child
- The feeling of never getting to have a child
- The feeling of losing a child
- The fear of having and then losing a child
- The feeling of having a happy family
- The feeling of never having a happy family
- The feeling of having and then losing a happy family
I just felt it all. The essence of these feelings connects into every human being throughout time because we are all creators. Physical creators of life. Those feelings have so many expressions and meanings but at their fundamental core, they are one deep feeling. Being able to feel all of that without getting sucked into it, just showing up in feeling and presence, finally released this deep feeling of not being HEARD, RECOGNIZED, ACKNOWLEDGED, UNDERSTOOD, and ultimately LOVED that my body was carrying for sooo long.
Since that time, I have had no cramps and very little PMS. When I do have PMS, I recognize that I am not letting myself feel the awe-inspiring feeling of what Mother feels like on all levels. I am not connecting to the Mother (Mother Earth) and repressing some form of Mother in my life. So I just go to my heart and give myself the full allowance to feel everything that Mother is and wants to share with me. Because Mother, or Father if you are a man, or Creator to encompass it all, is a deep word and feeling.